


BEYOND THIS PLACE OF WRATH AND TEARS

by heatherpeters



Category: The Blacklist
Genre: Angst, F/M, Lizzington - Freeform, Romance, hurt/healing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-04 01:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12760509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heatherpeters/pseuds/heatherpeters
Summary: This is my AU version of 5X8 Finale, complete with an appearance by a three year old Agnes, and Elizabeth's recovery.This is a Lizzington love story (is there anything else?)





	1. Chapter 1

The Island of Brunei  
Red’s 96-acre island  
November 2018

 

He stepped silently into the room – the sound of heart monitors and soft classical music the only hint that the area was occupied.

It was a large airy room, surrounded by massive windows that, when open, invited in the sweets scents and musical sounds of the island, not to mention the warm breezes that billowed the sheer curtains. Painted in muted shades of ivory and cream, peaceful hues designed to accommodate this space fit for royalty.

And in the center of the colossal bed, his sleeping princess rested, dressed in blush silk pajamas, covered with baby soft cashmere blankets, keeping her warm and secure.

A fluffy brocade pillow cradled her head, her chestnut colored hair cascading neatly over her shoulders and settled over her chest. The wavy tresses had grown much over these past ten plus months.

If it wasn’t for the tubes and beeping medical equipment, she could have passed for a slumbering beauty, just waiting for her prince to lean over and give her love’s true kiss.

Red scoffed at the idea that he could ever be anyone’s ‘Prince Charming’. He stood at the foot of the king-sized bed, watching Elizabeth as her chest rose and fell with each breath she took. And every day, he entered this quiet, sacred room, his heart rushing as he approached her bed and wished that he’d find her eyes open, greeting him with eyes filled with love.

But that was not to be. In the ten and a half months since he’d flown her here, accompanied by an entire medical team, Elizabeth was alive, thank God. But she had help: the respirator that he stared at, knowing it was keeping her alive.

And every morning, like every morning, his heart shattered in tiny segments, knowing that it was Tom’s folly and foolish recklessness that had brought Elizabeth to this. 

Red had no doubt she’d awaken, but when? He missed her so very deeply. And although he was grateful that she received the best care, his heart yearned for her. He so wanted to see those brilliant blue eyes to look upon him again, missed when she called him, “Reddington.” 

Since there was no dialogue between them, he was sure she could hear him, so he would do the next best thing: he’d read to her, hoping beyond hope that she could hear the sound of his voice, and follow it from the deep slumber she was now entrapped within and emerge, hopefully healthy and ready to resume her life. 

His princess was still in a coma, induced by the doctors when she was brought into the hospital on that nightmarish night nearly a year ago. The respirator tube helping to keep her alive obstructed her beautiful mouth. He’d employed an entire medical team to care for her since he brought her to his island. 

Twenty-four-seven, fully qualified medical professionals attended to her. They lived here on the island, constantly on standby. To pay for her medical expenses, Red had gone to great lengths to cash in and regain most, if not all, of his wealth in the time since that night they’d all approached the depths of Hades, fooling the devil to make it out alive. He would have gone to the ends of the earth and back to keep her alive. She’d come back to him. She had to.

“Good morning sweetheart,” He struggled, choking back tears that he kept at bay.

“Agnes is having her favorite breakfast today.” He stepped around the bed to approach her. A tender touch of his hand sliding down the length of her hair caused him to sigh. He leaned over her, taking in the scent of the lavender oil that was messaged into her skin daily to prevent bed sores. “Pancakes with whipped cream and sprinkles.” 

A chuckle escaped him when he gazed at her, her dark lashes creating a crescent fan over her closed eyes, hope flooding him that she’d open her at the mention of Agnes, yet, nothing changed. 

He inhaled deeply, smiled down at her once more, slid his hand to her shoulder, feeling her warmth. “Keep breathing, Lizzie,” he whispered. “While you live, so do I; don’t give up, don’t surrender. I’m here. Listen to the sound of my voice. Follow it to find your way home. Agnes is waiting for her momma to wake up.”

His next words were low and cracked with emotion. “So am I.”

He took his hand from her side, and settled himself beside her in the comfortable chair. He lifted the thick hardcover book of poetry on the side table, a tome so dog-eared that the binding was loose and threatened to come apart any day. 

He’d read to her nearly every day since bringing her here, to his sanctuary, a place where no one would find them, and place he could keep them all safe. 

Sparing a thought back to the few horrendous moments it had taken Dembe to speed to the hospital, with a police escort no less, Red suffered from nightmares no human should have to endure.

The carnage that occurred while she lay bleeding on the solid wood floor of that apartment refused to leave his mind, his body, his heart. Lizzie had survived – Tom had not.

Once again holding in his tears, thinking of the strength he’d pulled from deep within his soul to be here for Elizabeth and Agnes, was all that mattered. 

He opened the large volume to the book mark he’d placed in the worn pages last night. He lifted the heavy pink rectangular marker with his name printed in a child’s hand, then puffed out a tiny laugh.

Agnes.

His blessing and ray of light in all of this. His sun and his moon, this magnificent little creature, sent from Heaven to save him, while he saved her mother.

He’d dedicated every spare moment to her, along with Dembe and Dom over this past year. She was now three years old, a gorgeous child with a wealth of wheat colored curls, her mother’s blue eyes and a zest for life, along with a fierce desire to learn, play and laugh.

And love.

In the days following Elizabeth’s injuries, he’d held onto this precious child in the same manner a drowning man clings to a life preserver; she gave him the strength to go on, every day; gave his weary brain a chance to laugh when she took his hand and begged him to ‘go see Momma’.

A brilliant toddler who’d he’d spoiled rotten in the time they’d been here on the island. Agnes was a gifted child who was able to read most story books, knew how to print with her chubby little fingers, was adept at printing the alphabet. She could effortlessly sing along to most nursery rhymes. But truth be told, Red was most proud of the way she took the time as she printed his name: her little tongue moving across her lips as she painstakingly made sure the three letters were legible to spell out the name she called him.

Ray.

That’s when he knew; Not long ago he watched as she colored and drew on everything she could get her hands on: the way her tongue darted out of her sweet little heart-shaped lips as she concentrated. Her wide-eyed expression when they played a game; she also bit her lip when she was hurt or skinned a knee.

He knew when he stared at her dark blonde ringlets that only added to the fairness of her flawless porcelain skin, the shape of her face, the tiny cleft in her chin, and so much more – that she belonged to him. Agnes was his daughter.

And having that knowledge made Red vow that someday, she would call him ‘daddy’ – so long as she knew that he was her father, he would be there for her every moment of his life. He adored this little girl, loved walking on the beach with her, her tiny toes kicking up the white sand, chasing butterflies, and lifting seashells, presenting them either to him, or saving a special one to give to “Uncle Dembe.” She was a joy to share in this time of her life, and he promised he would tell Elizabeth everything when she woke up from her deep sleep. 

Agnes belonged to them both; and knowing that, he’d never give up. He would have his family back.

It would happen.

He gazed with weary, yet determined eyes at her, listened to the monitors beep, beep, beep, while her delicate, soft hands rested on her chest. His Lizzie, every fiber in his body praying and hoping that she'd soon open her eyes and look at him with recognition and yes, love.

"You rest, sweetheart; I’ll bring Agnes in to visit later. Take your time. Agnes is waiting for you, I’ll wait forever, until you come back to me….to us.” 

“I'm here… I'm always here." He whispered soft as a feather. 

If you stop breathing, I will as well, he thought.

Finally, he shook his head and took a deep, cleansing breath. He caressed the bright colored book mark like a talisman, knowing it had been created by Agnes. He proceeded to speak in a clear, deep voice. “So, it will be Henley today.” He commented. “Yes, I think 'Invictus' is in order today."

Taking a deep breath, and holding back the tears he shed daily for the pain she'd endured, and for the weeping that was to come once she’d awakened, he blinked to clear his vision, and cleared his throat....

'....Out of the night that covers me...."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth awakens and wants answers, but how far will Red go to reveal everything to her?

“…I am the captain of my soul…”

Inhaling deeply, allowing the words of the master poet to sink in, Red nodded, placed the beloved bookmark in the center of the page, then closed the book.

What happened next seemed to occur in slow motion:

The soft tap on his shoulder took him completely by surprise and shock.  
The book dropped from his hands as he turned suddenly.

Elizabeth.

“Oh my God.” She was awake; her eyes were opened for the first time in ten months. Those lovely blue orbs settled on him, then took in her surroundings as confusion set in.

Wishing only to comfort her, he took her hand into his own and brought them to his mouth. “Oh my God, Elizabeth.” One hand lifted to her hair, a gesture meant to comfort and calm her.

“Agnes will be so excited.” He said softly as a tear slid from her eye. She squinted, the tube in her throat obviously upset and unnerved her. She stared at him for several seconds, moments in time that Red cherished and had hoped for, for so long.

She was awake. His Lizzie was awake, and had survived the violent nightmare that had taken so many lives. But her life was, truthfully, the only life he cared about at this stage.

So excited, and grateful, he merely took in her frail beauty when she took her hand from his and made a motion with her hand.

“What?” His brows furrowed, not quite understanding her gesture.

She made a curling motion again, and Red understood. She wanted to write a message. 

“Oh yes, of course.”

As he rose from the chair, his legs barely held him up. His heart thumped a heavy rhythm, his mind was racing. After nearly a year, Elizabeth was awake….alive….she’d survived.

His hands trembled as he reached over to grab the chart that documented her vital signs, retrieved a pen. He turned the paper over in order to present her with a blank page, then returned to her on unsteady legs to gently lay the paper to her right.

As she held out her frail, pale hand for the pen, Red, ever so carefully, guided the writing implement inch by inch into her grip, until she could handle it herself.

He then sat by her once more; another second and his legs would have weakened beneath him.

As he watched, her fingers slowly, painstakingly formed the words, “how long?”

A tear escaped her, sliding slowly toward her temple as he faced her. He cleared his throat, and struggled to calm the blood rushing to his heart. Oh how he’d missed those incandescent blue eyes of hers. And now, they were focused on him, only on him, depending on him to tell her the truth of what had happened.

“Elizabeth.” He began, his eyes wide with emphasis, never blinking as he beheld her lovely face, still pale from her infirmed state, but nevertheless, the most beautiful face he’d ever seen.

“It’s been nearly a year.”

Her eyes searched his face, obviously trying to process the short statement. Her curved brows furrowed in confusion as he continued.

“Ten months.”

She tore her eyes from him to place pen to paper once more. But Red knew what her next question would be; It was inevitable, and of course, expected.

“Tom?”

Red, once again, clutched her hand in his, transferring every ounce of strength he possessed to her, wishing she could experience the love that emanated from every fiber of his being. 

“Tom is dead.”

He rubbed his lips across her cool fingers as he braced for her reaction.

Through the tubes that had kept her alive, that had prevented her from speaking for nearly a year, she left out a muffled cry: a cry of grief and loss, of love and pain.

While Red reached for her hair, his hand shook as he slid his hand down the thick strands, his only desire, to comfort and calm.

He allowed her to cry while remaining silent, as his own heart ripped into a thousand torn shards, sharing with her the grief of losing a spouse. And no matter what Tom had done, what misery he’d caused this woman, Elizabeth had loved him.

If she only knew what he’d endured these last ten months. If she could only imagine what hell he’d been through each moment of every day while she slept, her breathing controlled by machines. Those damned machines that beeped and buzzed and told him she lived.

If he could only convey to her what she meant to him. No, he wasn’t her father. But that was a story for another day.

He could never tell her that she was his love and his life, that as he sat by her side each day of these interminable months, that the moment she ceased to breathe, he would die as well.

He’d put together a contingency plan to end his life if she’d died, as he would not be able to survive her death a second time.

But there was Agnes to consider now.

He sniffed back tears, swallowed the lump in his throat and faced her. Tears continued to ribbon down her cheeks, as she pointed to the tube that had helped her breathe.

He nodded abruptly. “Yes, yes, right away, Elizabeth.”

He pushed a red button attached to the bed rail, and in seconds, Dembe rushed into the room, then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the figure in the bed staring back at him.

Red stood, managed a weak smile. “Elizabeth is awake.”

Dembe rushed to Elizabeth’s side, and placed a warm hand over hers. “It is good to see you, Elizabeth. We knew you would return to us. Agnes is well and waiting to see you.”

Liz nodded weakly, as more personnel entered the room. Within seconds, a team of doctors and nurses surrounded Elizabeth’s bed as Red was motioned out of the way. As they greeted Elizabeth and took her vital signs, others wrote on her chart, while still others monitored her heart and took her blood pressure.

Red and Dembe stood back, allowing the medical team that had been under Red’s employ all these months, to tend to Elizabeth.

“Does she know about Tom?”

“Yes.”

“Then she knows how much time has passed.”

Red nodded, as his mind raced with visions of words and emotions yet to be conveyed. What would he tell her when she asked about Tom’s death? What kind of answers could he give her? How much should she know? How much should be hidden from her? Even though telling her anything could be dangerous and jeopardize her safety, how much longer could they go on like this? 

“Raymond?”

Red frowned as he returned Dembe’s questioning gaze. “She knows.”

As the doctor prepared to extract Elizabeth’s endotracheal tube, Red held his breath, swallowed hard, while Dembe said no more for now; just stood by his side, silent and supportive.

As the doctor began to remove the tubes that had kept Elizabeth breathing these many months, Red met her eyes. She held out her hand to him.

He hurried to her side, knelt by the bed and took her hand, once again cradling it in both of his, and bringing it to his mouth. Kissing her fingers softly, he stared at her. “I’m here, Lizzie. Are you ready?”

She nodded, and at that moment, her strength and resilience staggered him. For she was the brave soul; she’d survived nearly a year, resting in a place between this world and the next. She’d lost much, but Red would make sure she would never find herself in this position again. He’d vowed for the past five years to protect her, keep her safe, and for the second time, had nearly lost her.

He’d have to find a way to tell her everything: the suitcase, Tom’s involvement with Mr. Kaplan, Nik’s death, everything.

Well, almost everything.

As the tube was extracted, she coughed and gagged while her hand tightened in his. 

“Don’t try to talk,” the doctor instructed as he examined her throat. “You will have trouble swallowing for a while. The sore throat and hoarseness that follow are all normal. We’ll give you ice chips for the soreness. Please swallow for me,”

She winced and cringed in pain as she swallowed. Shaking her head, she tried to speak, but again the doctor stopped her.

“I know it hurts; the pain will pass in time.” The doctor looked at Red. “I recommend speech therapy for her as well as a physical therapist as well.” The doctor looked at Elizabeth and smiled wanly. “You have a lot of work ahead of you, Miss Keen. But after what you’ve been through, I have no doubt that you will come out of this just fine. I’ll be back tonight to check on you and in the meantime, rest; time is on your side. You have many weeks, maybe months of rehabilitation ahead of you. But I think you’re going to make it.” He turned to Red and Dembe. “You have a great support team.”

Liz nodded weakly, already tired from her ordeal, and with the departure of the doctor and his team, Red wanted nothing more than to give her anything she needed.

But Elizabeth was not finished with questions. She tugged on Red’s hand and mouthed the word, ‘Agnes’ to him.

Dembe smiled. “I think she is taking her afternoon nap. I will go and check and will bring her to you as soon as possible.”

After he left, only Elizabeth and Red remained. Once again, he remained by her side. She placed her hand over his, and the gesture brought him a tiny degree of happiness.

You need to tell her everything, he reminded himself.

As she fell into a peaceful slumber once more, Red watched over her, fatigue gripping him now that she was out of danger. The sound of her breathing without the tube soothing him, bringing him some semblance of peace.

Yet, he’d never find peace within himself, if he wasn’t honest with her.

What will she do when she finds out why Tom was involved with Kaplan? Nik? McGee? 

And as sure as God made little green apples, Agent Elizabeth Keen, criminal profiler, would indeed investigate Tom’s death until she received the answers she was looking for.

And when that day came, Red would have much to answer for; and if the truth of those bones in the suitcase ever came to light, she would undoubtedly, never forgive him.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter took so long in coming. I'm battling medical issues that include my knee, so I'm not able to sit at my desk for long; will try to get chapter 3 posted as soon as I can. Thanks for your support, always. <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red pours his heart out to a slumbering Elizabeth, and when she awakens, she remembers....something.

And so Red watched her sleep.

The ordeal of removing her tubes had proved exhausting, poor darling, he thought.

Settling himself, he sat at her side, and chose to stay silent; no reading, no music; only the sounds of her breathing.

She was alive; He needed to hear her tiny breaths, watch her chest gently rise and fall. It was enough for now. He knew that when she awakened and grew stronger every day, she would present him with more questions; and those questions, would require answers – from him.

The days ahead would be difficult for all of them. He opted to keep Agnes from her now; she was exhausted, and he thought it best to keep the child from her. Chances are, the toddler would want to hug and kiss and be cuddled by her mother, and Elizabeth was just not up to that – not yet anyway.

So instead, Red just watched her for endless moments, forgetting time, forgetting everyone in the house, everyone who surrounded him and this island fortress, away from civilization, away from everyone.

Tonight it would be, just him, and Elizabeth. Lizzie.

How could one man love a woman so very deeply? He asked himself as his eyes rested upon her.

For the past ten months, he’d only left her side periodically, mostly in gaining information about Ian Garvey but not pursuing the man who ultimately was responsible for Tom’s death, and for Elizabeth’s injury.

Red had his people scouring every continent, because when he found this man, there would be hell to pay. In the meantime, Red attempted to fathom Garvey’s intentions, including why he took the suitcase. There weren’t very many people who knew the contents of that case. 

Red had no doubt that Tom would have informed Elizabeth the identity of the bones, which did not bode well for any of them, especially Elizabeth. Tom was inevitably killed for what he’d known.

Why was Garvey so interested in that suitcase? He was most likely worked for Kate, and was hired by her to cause Red trouble, and destroy his relationship with Elizabeth.

Those goddamn bones.

Damn you Kate, he thought, moving toward the edge of the chair, to look upon Elizabeth’s lovely face as she dozed. 

There was so much he needed to tell her, but as he told Dembe time and time again, he found himself unable. So, he would talk to her now, coward that he was. 

He voice lowered to a broken whisper: “Elizabeth…..Lizzie… I cannot fully express my joy in the fact that you have survived this episode in your life. I’d like to think that the love I hold for you proved so strong, it assisted in your recovery. I know how much you loved Tom: your conversation in the car on the way to the hospital was evidence of that much.

“As I sat next to you, I listened with sadness in my heart to you both, your lives in grave danger. In those moments of dire desperation, I couldn’t help but think back of the last time I lost you. 

“Elizabeth.” Red inhaled deeply, his eyes closed, as he thought of that day in the van, the moment he watched the last breaths of her life ebb away from him. His nightmare of that day had never truly dissipated. To this day he still suffered nightmares, waking up in a sweat, crying out her name. He would see her, in a body bag, the zipper covering up that precious being from his sight forevermore.

“I wanted to die that night, join you in whatever netherworld was waiting for us. I found myself in a place where I lost myself, trying to forget the fact that I’d lost you for all time. I think the only reason I am still here, was for Agnes. The last ten months it was that precious, beautiful child who’s lifted me from my times of sadness and loneliness. She is truly a gift, Lizzie, truly a child conceived from love.”

Sniffing back tears, Red shook his head, and sat back in the cushioned chair, rubbing his hand over his face and scalp, those memories still haunting him, eating at him.

For it was all his fault.

Having her in his life was as dangerous today, as it was that day in September, in 2013. But he couldn’t help it.

He loved her. Simple. Complicated. 

Again the memory of Elizabeth and Tom in the back of that car assaulted him. Red paused, his thoughts traveling back to that night in the car, sharing the back seat with Elizabeth and Tom as their lives ebbed away. At those moments, with the police sirens screaming, Dembe speeding to the hospital for help, and Elizabeth’s blood soaking Red’s shirt, the surrealism of the moment took their toll on Red.

Again, his whispers were so slight, he barely heard them himself. “I must confess that the days following your injuries, I could barely step into this room without holding my breath. How many times did I fear your death was imminent? How many hours did I sit here, the sounds of those machines not only keeping you alive, but keeping my heart beating as well?

“Should I hate myself for not grieving for Tom? Is it my fault that he is dead? I buried him, Lizzie. I took care of everything, for you, only for you. He was one of the only bad choices I made in all my years. Hiring him was a bad choice, a wrong decision that I will forever regret, Elizabeth. I wanted him to protect you, to keep you safe, but I never thought the two of you…..”

He decided not to dwell on those moments. Instead, he leaned down and kissed her cheek, a tender gesture that he could not resist. He needed, wanted, craved her warmth, if only to assure himself that she was still with him.

Suddenly, he grew very tired. “Just a minute to rest.” He told himself. 

He didn’t realize how exhausted he’d been, because when he opened his eyes, Elizabeth was awake, her eyes resting on him.

“Hi.” He smiled with happiness to see her blue eyes focused on him.

“Hi.” She mouthed the words back to him, holding a hand out for him.

Rising from the chair, he clutched her hand inside his own, and leaned over her. “I know you want to talk; that you have a million questions, and I promise you I will try to answer them, but first: are you up for a visit from Agnes?”

“Please.” Again, a word spoken in silence. But she managed a smile that clutched at Red’s heart.

“I’ll go get her, okay?”

She nodded.

“I’ll be right back.”

Red squeezed her hand in reassurance, then left the room to reunite a beautiful child, his child… with her mother.

##########

 

Liz was confused. Looking around her, she attempted to acclimate herself with her surroundings. No doubt she was safe; Red was responsible for that. 

But the past was fuzzy, and the fact that she’d been in a coma for nearly a year! Would she be able to walk again? Talk again? Did she have brain damage?

Maybe she should have asked Red before he left the room. Maybe she was afraid of the answers.

She struggled to think of the night she was injured.

Tom was dead.

Tom.

She choked back tears, but they brimmed and slid from her eyes. Tom, who she’d just married again. They were going to be happy, build a new life together….weren’t they?

Deep down, however, she knew Tom had been into questionable activities, activities that she either blindly accepted, or had she been in total denial the entire time?

How many times had Red told her that Tom was dangerous? Tom couldn’t be trusted? Tom kept secrets?

Too many times to count, she thought.

And now, he was gone. But Red was here, as was her precious Agnes.

Memories. Would she regain the memory of that night? Or did she want only to forget everything in the past and focus on her future with Agnes?

For a split second, she closed her eyes and a flash of a kiss, a naked chest and the sound of the ocean drifted through her vision.

Opening her eyes wide and alert, she wondered if what she’d just seen in her minds’ eye was just a hallucination left over from her injury. 

Or was it a long forgotten memory?

Before she had time to mull it over, the door opened.

And in walked Red, holding the hand of the most adorable child she’d ever seen.

Her child. She was nearly three years old now. So much wasted time.

Agnes.

“Momma!”

 

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agnes sees her mother for the first time in a year; the mother and child reunion is a combination of tears, joy and confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to thank my dear friend/beta (cress 26), for her continuing encouragement, and brain storming expertise; you rock, my friend.

Elizabeth’s eyes focused on her child; her baby.

Tears fell unheeded as Red’s smile widened when he lifted the nearly three-year-old beauty into his arms. Together they approached the bed.

She ached for the touch of her child, yet she hadn’t realized how weak her arms were as she reached out for her daughter. Yet, she did the best she could manage as Red’s smile wavered. The effort Elizabeth gave wasn’t lost on him.

“Momma!”

Practically flying from Red’s arms, Agnes nearly toppled over in her attempt to reach her mother.

Without flinching, Red caught her, and joined in the delight, at the same time, trying to assure Agnes that being with her momma was okay, but trying to restrain her enthusiasm.

“Agnes, kitten, remember that momma is still a bit tired, so for now, maybe we could just cuddle with her for now, ok?”

“Okay, Ray-Ray.” The sweet, innocent voice of the toddler as she addressed Red with her pet name for him, filled Elizabeth with a myriad of emotions that included confusion, love, despair, and loss. Elizabeth felt lost, as if she’d been abandoned in a dense forest, and it had taken her a year to find her way out.

She’d never get that year back, no matter what happened going forward. So many days missed spending time with her child, this precious baby. She’d learned to talk, had grown in leaps and bounds, and her hair? Those gorgeous golden cork screw curls framed a face that had changed radically in the past year.  
She’d last seen that precious countenance the day of the accident.

And now, Red sat on the bed, and allowed this precious being into her arms for the first time in nearly a year.

Shaking her head, Elizabeth swallowed, her throat raw and scratchy, but her heart filled with joy as Red placed her darling daughter in her arms.

As her child wrapped chubby arms around her mother’s neck, planting wet kisses on Elizabeth’s face and lips, the damn broke.

More tears, choking, weeping for her baby, a part of her heart broke for the loss of Tom, but as she embraced her toddler as tight as her arms would allow, Elizabeth lifted her gaze…..to Red.

He sat on the bed, acting as a brace should Agnes become too enthusiastic in her quest to hug and snuggle with her mother.

Red’s smile told Elizabeth so much: happiness and joy, to be sure, but his tear-brimmed eyes rested on her, much the same as the first time they met:

“Agent Keen, what a pleasure.”

“If anyone can give me a second chance, it’s you.”

“Nothing is worse than losing you.”

“You have me, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

Focusing her gaze on Red, she mouthed the words, “thank you.” 

He would know what she meant.

The scenes between them in the past years rolled in Elizabeth’s mind like a movie, scenes between her and Red. Funny but she couldn’t quite recall any memories between herself and Tom. Why was that? Tom had been her husband.

It all didn’t matter now, as she closed her eyes, tears squeezing between her lids, managing a whisper to her baby.

“I love you, baby girl.”

Red nodded, one large palm supporting Agnes’ back as the child continued to cuddle with her mother.

She smelled like vanilla and fresh flowers, and her arms, as they wrapped around Elizabeth’s neck, felt like a life preserver, saving her from drowning, bringing her back to shore – to life.

“My momma, I love…love you.”

As Liz returned her child’s embrace, she prayed for the strength to tell her daughter that she did, indeed, love her too.

Red noticed that even though Elizabeth was enjoying the cuddles and hugs from Agnes, she was quickly growing tired. 

“Don’t squeeze momma too tight, kitten; soft hugs, okay?”

“Okay.” She leaned away from Elizabeth, but mother and child still held hands. 

“Momma is so pretty, isn’t she, Ray-Ray?”

“Indeed.” Red nodded, a chuckle escaping his lips. It was evident to Elizabeth that Agnes had stolen Red’s heart. “Pretty as the flowers we picked today.”

Just then, a blanket of warmth covered Liz, while a hazy memory of blood filled her vision, combined with a loving touch. She shook the vision away, and instead, focused on Red and Agnes. 

“As pretty as me?” Agnes grew silly.

Red looked over at the bed, and winked at Elizabeth. “You are both the prettiest girls in the world!” He joked.

Agnes giggled at Red’s humor, then turned back to Elizabeth. “When can you talk again, Momma?”

Elizabeth’s heart broke. She was powerless without speech, and couldn’t form an answer that a three-year-old would understand.

Red to the rescue.

“Momma will be able to talk and read to you very soon, kitten.” He told her, inching his way closer to both females. “Before you know it, you and she will be talking and playing and singing too, I bet. You can teach her the song about the fish in the ocean that tickle your feet. Would you like that Agnes, love?”

The child nodded so enthusiastically, her curls bounced up and down, causing all three to chuckle.

“Good. Then why don’t we see what Uncle Dembe has for snack today, hmm? I think I heard him say something about brownies and chocolate milk. Would you like that?”

Again, Agnes nodded. “But I don’t want to leave Momma.” Her little bow-shaped lips quivered, rendering Red and Elizabeth helpless.

As Elizabeth kissed her baby’s chubby little fingers, Red, once again, intervened, appearing as a very welcome buffer between mother and child.

“Tell you what: why don’t we let momma nap, and after your snack, you can have your nap, then I’ll bring you back to visit momma tonight. Okay, kitten?”

Agnes turned back to her mother. “I see you later, Momma. Take your nap like a good girl.”

“I will.” Elizabeth’s whisper sounded harsh and raspy, but Agnes nodded in comprehension.

“Kiss momma now and you can see her later.”

Agnes turned back to her mother, planting wet smacking kisses on her mother’s face, causing Liz to smile through her tears. 

She then turned to Red, and jumped into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder.

“She’s tired; its way past her nap time.” Red explained.

Elizabeth nodded in agreement. “For me too.” She mouthed in a joking fashion.

“I’ll be back soon. Please get some sleep.”

As he proceeded to leave the room, he turned back to Elizabeth, holding his child in his arms, her warmth and unconditional love giving him the strength to wake up and face each new day.

He had thought that maybe, seeing Agnes, her resemblance to Red would replenish some of her memory. Evidently, Elizabeth had a long road to travel before she recovered. And that included what had happened between them years ago on that ship.

He focused on Liz, his eyes serious, his demeanor weary. “Elizabeth, I know you have thousands of questions to which you have no answers.

“When you have healed, we will talk about…..everything.” He nuzzled Agnes’ curls, breathed in her warmth, reveled in her embrace, her love for him giving him the impetus to promise Elizabeth the answers to ALL her questions.

Elizabeth nodded, frowning, as if she were bracing herself for what Red would reveal to her.

And at that moment, a sadness washed over Elizabeth, combined with the joy and delight of taking her baby in her arms. Both emotions confused and tired her, but she was determined to get well, and face everything she’d missed in all the time lost with her child.

Tom was dead. Yet she didn’t mourn him as she should. Maybe she needed time to process his death. Again, so much confusion colored her emotions.

But one thing she did know. No matter what happened, she would be forever grateful to Red for taking care of her and Agnes this past year.

She could never repay him for all he’d done for her….from the beginning.

Yes, she thought as Red carried Agnes in his arms and out the door of her bedroom. As soon as she could talk, and walk and regain those flashes of memories that had begun to haunt her, she and Red had much to discuss.

And that included the myriad of confusing emotions she harbored for Red every second he’d been with her since she’d awakened from her coma. 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse the brevity of the chapters; because of the injury to my knee, I cannot sit long enough to write lengthy chapters; but I promise to post often, even if the chapters are short and sweet *wink*
> 
> Thanks for reading; I love you all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> while Liz dreams in fragments of faded memories, Red and Dembe talk about 'the truth'...

She is on the ocean, traveling on a ship. She is not alone.

She can see only a shadow. A man. She is running from…something, and he is helping her. Stars. She is looking at the North Star….Polaris, yes. 

They stare at the stars, and he tells her that she is his way home. They are drinking, and he is playing music. 

Everything is fragmented.

She touches his face, they finish their drinks, they lean in close, then share an encompassing kiss that both had longed for, craved. 

Only wanting to get closer, they ache for each other’s warmth as they undress each other. Soft whispers split the quiet. Ocean waves rock gently as he lays her down in a small room bearing a soft bed.

A touch. A puff of warm breath on her neck. Lips gently meeting her own in a kiss, first tentative, then deeper, culminating in tongues twirling, circling, while voices moan in blatant, raw pleasure.

Strong hands wreak havoc on her body, stimulating her flesh, making her nipples hard and erect. Writhing in pleasure, thighs parting like the wings of a graceful bird, while those hands continue to guide her to heights she’d never known.

Hips lifting to meet the long, thick cock of a lover; a forbidden tryst, dark and deep and intensified with each powerful thrust.

He turns her to rise above him, to ride him while she delights in her power over him. 

Big, strong hands guiding her hips up and down, his long, thick length pressing inside her, diving, burying himself within her hot, wet depths, until she cries out in unyielding ecstasy.

This, them, together….so long in coming, so long shielding her emotions from him. What she feels for him has been forbidden; hidden away within the recesses of her mind, body…her very soul.

His palms brush against her nipples causing her back to arch into his heated touch. He knows all her sensual spots, what she likes, how she will respond to his hands, his kiss, his cock. How does he know that?

Because he knows her; As much as she has denied her feelings for him, he knows her; and now, she had thrown caution to the wind, and moves to possess him just as much.

But she can’t be in love with him, can she? She’s married to Tom, she loves Tom, doesn’t she? To love another man just isn’t right.

And then he is playing her body like a priceless instrument of his arousal. She responds to an overwhelming, primal instinct inside. He is all heated male, a demanding alpha. She is powerless to resist him.

Powerless.

“That’s what love is….being powerless.”

Yes, he has told her that before. 

“You’re going to be okay….”

That voice haunts her, invades every fiber of her being.

And now, that voice is urging her to take him, possess him, eat him alive.

Bodies glistening, soft sighs, combined with cries of delight and completion.

Yet his voice is not Tom’s; his whispers are deep and raspy; his cry of triumph when he comes washes over her like a tidal wave. 

Not Tom.

Tom’s dead, isn’t he? Yes, yes, Red told her that he’s been dead for nearly a year; he’s gone.

She sees him in the car, covered in blood; her head hurts, Red is close by, Dembe is driving, police cars surrounding them, escorting them to the hospital, sirens blaring. Tom is telling her she is beautiful, that she’s going to make it, that he can’t live without her. 

Sirens hurt her head, the acrid smell of blood burning her nostrils; then she’s placed on a soft surface while people surround her; someone yelling orders for a neurosurgeon, another stating that she will die in minutes if not treated. All she can sense is death and destruction. People surround her, and she experiences the icy cold metal entering her throat, yet she breathes better after that horrible maneuver.

Where’s Red? Is he hurt too? Why isn’t he here?

Fragments of words and feelings; pieces of her life, now in turmoil.

Nearly a year lost; a year she will never, ever regain…..

Then all goes black.

But she’s not dead, just sleeping; a deep slumber for nearly a year.

She hears that deep, raspy timbre reading lines. A poem, maybe?

Yes, yes, that beloved voice.

Red.

#######

Elizabeth jerks herself awake. Yes, it was all a dream. Dreams of lovemaking so realistic, she is mildly aroused.

Why were her dreams of Red and not Tom?

Why can’t she remember?

If she can just recall a bit of it, she would feel a little better.

The water? A ship? An enclosed space? Music?

Yes, yes, if she can just remember that once instance, just that one, if it, indeed happened, maybe, just maybe, the rest will fall into place.

Agnes. Her baby, a precious toddler now, thankfully in Red and Dembe’s treasured care.

She would get well.

Determined to try and move, to sit up, something.

Could she walk? Was therapy administered to her while she was bed ridden?

Drawing a weak hand through her hair, she noticed how long it had grown. Down past her breasts, clean and shiny. Bringing strands to her nose, she closed her eyes as she smelled spearmint and a hint of coconut.

It was evident that Red had taken good care of her.

But what next?

She had to regain her life, after losing over ten months of activity. Was the task force still in play? Had anyone from her team visited her?

So many questions that required answers.

Red. She needed Red.  
He would tell her what she needed to know.

But the first and most important was: who was Tom involved in, and what was he killed for?

If she knew nothing else, she knew that Red was, somehow involved.

Yet all she wanted right now, was how long it would take her to recover?

One thing at a time. One step at a time.

######

 

As Red watched her on a closed screen from his office across the hall from her room, he saw that she had awakened from her nap.

Her thoughtful expression told Red that she was already attempting to process all that had happened.

There was so much to tell, so much to convey to her.

Where to start?

“Agnes is resting comfortably.” Dembe’s voice resonated over Red’s shoulder.

Red stared at the screen as he replied to his dear friend and brother. “Did you find Bunny?”

Dembe puffed out a tiny chuckle. “Yes. Seems Bunny was hiding under Agnes’ dollhouse. The moment she hugged her furry friend, she was asleep instantly.”

“Good.” Red nodded, but continued to rest his loving eyes on Elizabeth’s beloved face, and those eyes that he had doubted he’d ever see opened again. “She exhausted herself in her excitement to be with Elizabeth again. Now they can begin to heal together; love each other….heal.”

“And what about you, Raymond?”

Red shook his head. “We have a long road ahead.”

“You must realize that you have received another chance to tell Elizabeth everything; the entire truth. There is no going back now.”

Red exhaled heavily; turned and faced his dear friend, and nodded wearily, but didn’t respond to Dembe’s statement. “She’ll require therapy instantly; and knowing Elizabeth, she’ll want to jump out of that bed and walking on the beach as soon as she is possibly able.”

Dembe pursed his lips. His stubborn friend knew what must be done. But now there would be no way out of this situation. The truth must be told to Elizabeth. There was nowhere to run now.

“I will contact the therapist and inform him to start with Elizabeth’s rehabilitation as soon as possible. The doctor will examine her later today. In the meantime, she must be told more about Tom. Let her deal with his death for a time, Raymond. She is a strong woman. She will heal. This place will help her. WE will help her.”

Red stood and offered a weak smile. “Yes, we will. Nothing, nothing is more important than her complete recovery. Anything, everything she needs, we will provide for her. I will not, cannot lose her, not after all this. He choked back emotions that had brimmed to the surface ever since she’d awakened. “Ten months, Dembe! Every day I’d walk into that room, not knowing what I’d find. Imagining that her brain injury was irreversible! 

He rubbed his palm over his face and scalp, helpless to voice his emotions. Then taking a deep breath, he exhaled deeply. “She is my life, my love, the mother of my child. I can still see her blood on my hand when I lifted her from the floor of the apartment! I can smell her life ebbing away and again, being powerless to help her. I am half out of my mind with worry for her health, going forward. Memories of her in that van over three years ago still haunt me; the moment I thought she was gone for good. How could she die in that apartment without knowing that I’m NOT her father, damn it?”

Dembe stood still as stone, allowing his dear friend to voice all that had been held in for so long.

Red swallowed, eyes red, but holding back countless tears that threatened to fall.

“Those damn bones, not to mention Kate and her quest to destroy me, Tom and the countless bad choices that only resulted in pain and sadness for Elizabeth….and yes, me….me most of all. I’ve brought her to all this, Dembe. But I swear, no more. She will never suffer again because of my place in her life. I never realized how much I loved her until that night in the car, racing to the hospital, as her life trickled away as I watched. God I’ve never seen so much blood since that Christmas Eve night, so long ago. I don’t want to see it again. I cannot survive that…again.”

Dembe touched his friend’s shoulder. “That is why the truth about you, your past, and her father, is paramount to her recovery.”

Red blinked, bit his inner cheek, tilted his head. “Sounds so very simple; but the implications of the ‘truth’ in this instance, will turn out to be more complicated than anything any of us have ever faced.”

And with that, he stepped past his friend, quietly resolving to first and foremost, see to Elizabeth’s care and rehabilitation, give her time with Agnes. Then, only then, would they talk.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, please forgive me for the shorter chapters; hopefully, a resolution of my knee problem will come soon.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and for your continued support; if you do not read, I cannot write; I believe in Lizzington, and will write as long as everyone still wants stories involving our favorite lovers, even through the hard times, which they will undoubtedly endure, no matter what; but they will always have their happy ever after in my stories!!
> 
> Love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Blacklist or its amazing characters.
> 
> Thanks to my beta and dear friend, cress26
> 
> Thanks to my readers; you are the best in the fandom!! Love you all.


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